Announcing InsertNameHere, a high-growth, highly capital-intensive, solid-gold once-in-a-recession investment opportunity.
InsertNameHere builds on its founders’ deep experience in heavily-leveraged compressive carbon transformation [*], yet takes that to a whole new level – fully virtualized service services.
Its dramatic new core technology is a 24/7 100% online meta-toolkit for startups and SMEs looking to exploit new service markets, under the catchy service mark “We Service Services“.
Our “SliverMeddle” package provides our customers silent marginal billing & accounting, invoicing, tax landing in optimal Swiss canton du jour, minimally auditable Bahamian banking, multi-territory soft legal, and even a dull-but-undeniably-usable-website auto-generator (with colour options fully selectable all the way from #444488 to #4444FF). Entering their service model into our database gives access to our full spectrum of service services, enabling our clients to start creaming their important transaction slice off within mere minutes of sign-up.
This is because, according to our extensive market research [**], the biggest market growth in the startup segment in 2009-2010 has been in pure services for services – in fact, InsertNameHere calculates that by aggressively virtualizing nearly all services for services, we can (for example) help companies get rid of ~85% of jobs around Old Street. [***]
Despite having soft-launched only two days ago, InsertNameHere’s technology is already powering 786 greedy service plays around London. It is now looking for £880K at a post-money £2.5m valuation to roll its package out to ‘419’ fraudsters, spyware, scamware, pyramid & Ponzi schemes, poker sites, local authorities, and Business Link replacement services. Invest now before we reverse takeover the UK government!
[*] ‘turning shit into diamonds‘.
[**] i.e. reading TechCrunch most days. Except when it’s particularly vacuous, of course.
[***] Actually, our computer model says ‘95%’ but we didn’t want to exaggerate.