Introducing the “PΦrn Startup Methodology”…

Entrepreneurs, if you’re not hugely impressed by supposedly-best-in-breed startup methodologies, why not instead make use of all the Lessons Learned by pΦrn sites? Really, applying the whole pΦrn-site business model to your own non-pΦrn startup could make you rich, rich, rich. And you don’t even have to buy an expensive blue book (or even, errr, a blue magazine) to help you do it, because here’s everything you need to know to thrust you forward:

1. Minimum Viable PΦrn: make sure your launch site touches a raw nerve.
2. The Market Will Decide: build on customer niches with the most traction.
3. High Velocity: ensure each online transaction lasts three minutes max.
4. Freemium: free samples leave a funny taste in the mouth, help visitors trade up to the real thing.
5. Fill Your Funnel: find enough (bulging) eyeballs, and every startup problem becomes trivial, right?
6. Be Hard To Beat: find your unique angle and work it, work it, work it, baby.
7. Build Customer Satisfaction: cultivate that warm fuzzy feeling wherever you can.
8. Love Your Suppliers: it’s a hard job giving you what you need, so be good to your suppliers.
9. Love Your Customers: keep finding ways to fill their eyes with tears of joy.
10. Retention: keep customers coming back to you, whatever it takes!

As startup methodologies go, I’d say this has 10,000x more empirical data than other fashionable so-called startup methodologies currently being touted. So, you should get with this “PΦrn Startup Methodology” programme: reposition your crappily self-indulgent social / digital / media startup as a pΦrn website that just happens not to have any pΦrn, and success will surely come your way! 😀