Applying Lean Startup to your Real Life… what could possibly go wrong?

 

It struck me the other day that if The Lean Startup is as good an idea as its evangelists like to claim, why not apply Lean Startup principles to real life? Hey, that would work perfectly… errrrm, wouldn’t it? Well…

Dating

• No, sweetie, I’m not being “unfaithful”: I’m merely A/B testing you and her. Oh, and six others… <sssssssslap>
• No, sweetie, I’m not “dumping” you: I’m merely iterating fast towards a better product/market fit… <sssssssslap>
• Hey, babe, wanna see my MVP enter a rapid scaling phase? Let me cross your sweet little chasm… <sssssssslap sssssssslap sssssssslap>

School

• Following in-depth UX testing, I pivoted from homework to Call of Duty 11 : Rendition to Guantanamo…
• I’m sorry, Ms Taffenheimer, I really don’t think Geography is going to be one of my “engines of growth”…
• No, Jake, in exams you are not allowed to “build-measure-learn” from other students’ test sheets…

In Restaurants

• Wow, I’ll have what he‘s having. Errr… no, I mean I’ll have what she‘s having. No, what that other guy’s having. No, wait…
• Can I order a mouthful of everything on the menu? I’d really like to iterate fast to my perfect meal…
• I’m going to persevere with super-hot curries, even though I’ve lost all sensation above my knees…

In The Slush Pile

• Yeah, we hire workers in pairs, set ’em at each other’s throats for a week, then fire whoever flinches first. Never fails…
• We’re not “firing you”, we’re just “pivoting you into an externally managed role stack”…
• I keep iterating my CV based on my rejection speed metric – if it takes a whole week, I must have been at the top of the pile…

On The Phone

• “We like to pivot fast. Press ‘1’ for BlueFab Corp. Press ‘1’ for defunct.ly. Press ‘1’ for cloudnproud. Press ‘1’ for…”
• “Hello, what product would you like us to make for you? Press ‘1’ for cloud, press ‘2’ for virtual, press ‘3’ for 3d printing…”
• “We’re sorry, but fooddood.ly pivoted before we could ship your food order. Can we make up the order with LED pens instead?”

Elsewhere On The Planet

• Yeah, Morty, we just put “Snakes On A Plane 2.0” into production, it tested real great on the Internet…
• The nuclear industry is so responsive now we’ve introduced continuous code deployment… <bawooooooooooooooshhhhhhhhhhh>

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